Scars and Healing
Scars are strange and wonderful things. I marvel at them on Hannah. One whips along her back - a remnant of heart surgery; another, still healing from her trach tube removal, puckers at her throat. There are others, big and small, but each maps her progress from the first six months of "failure to thrive" to the demanding four-and-a-half-year-old Princess we cherish today.
One could find my fascination with these scars grotesque, but the scars have accumulated stories and meaning. They are proof of survival and learning, healing and strengthening.
The survival is self-evident. Hannah is growing into a self-assured little girl. She has beaten back the unspoken, grim prognosis and staked a claim for her own life.
Her healing, as evidenced by the scars, is incomplete and imperfect. She cycles through injury and healing like a body-builder. Her trach site, for example, had to be closed with two attempts. The doctors had to physically re-injure the site at her throat to encourage it to strengthen in its healing and completely close.
And that process leaves scars. For Hannah, these scars tell her story while she is working on the language to express herself. They inform her personality, particularly her resilience and her dislike for medical settings. For our family, the scars remind us of the healing we've gone through, but also remind us that the healing is unfinished. Scars may be re-opened by a new crisis, but it will heal again, too.
And hopefully that healing will leave us stronger and better prepared for the next challenge: whatever that may be.
-- Dad
P.S. Unfair to only share Hannah's scars - one of my minor ones below:
The circle scar on my left elbow grins at me, celebrating a foolish half-day of summer from my early teens. We neighborhood kids were bored during a long, summer vacation. To ease the boredom, we grabbed some brooms, trashcan lids, and our bicycles and invented a new game: bike-jousting. We each charged at each other with broomstick for pole and lid for shield, bicycling hands-free across the asphault of our small cul-de-sac.
That game didn't last long. We were all battered, bruised, and bleeding after an hour. But I remember that day clearly and fondly. I have childhood literally etched at my elbow, reminding me of how a group of kids got along for a few hours, amusing and bruising ourselves, long before we began to break apart in the years ahead and go our separate ways.
Comments
Wonderful! Thanks so much, Rob. Janette can have a post, too, but I am so happy to include a Dad's post. Have a safe and productive trip!
Posted by: Barbara | October 2, 2008 03:28 AM
I see she's holding a wiffle ball!
Posted by: Barbara | October 4, 2008 04:41 PM
We are a product of our histories, scars and all. Thanks for a poignant summary.
Posted by: Fran | October 6, 2008 09:13 AM
I loved your commentary on scars. Goodness knows I have a ton of them being a younger sister to a brutal older brother. Having a daughter with Down Syndrome has opened us up to an whole new world of children with scars. Mainly heart surgery scars. One mother proudly commented that her daughter's line down her chest was her "pre-cleavage". That was a new one to me. Thanks for your post.
Posted by: Jeanette | October 6, 2008 09:27 PM
Hey Rob, the Bernard Bunch is still waiting for you guys to come visit us here! The boys are looking forward to adding to your scar collection through a good ol game of rugby!!!!
Posted by: Alison | October 7, 2008 11:13 AM
Rob, I always thought you had your hands pretty full with your unique parenting challenge, but bike-jousting? Now I think you must have kept your parents just as busy.
Actually, I'm surprised I never thought that one up myself when I was young enough not to fear scars.
Glad to see your family is doing well. It wasn't till reading this blog that I understood why you always have the coffee mug with you.
Posted by: Jon | October 12, 2008 08:04 PM
Thanks everyone for your comments. Sorry, I've been slacking as I came off the Shanghai trip and right back into quarter-end reporting at work. Keeps me busy.
Fran - thanks for reading & commenting!
Jeanette - welcome to our blog! Hannah also has her heart surgery scars, although hers are in back (still really, really long). We also tease her about already having piercings due to her g-tube: 4 1/2 year old goth girl!
Alison,
Still love to visit. Hey, at least I got my passport some mileage finally! Rugby may not work out (I didn't describe my longest scar - a horseshoe one along my left temple from brain surgery - oh, the fun I had as a teenager!), but we'd still love to visit. Hannah is getting more travel ready, though we'll have to figure out some way to do what looked like much more cumfy business class.... I think she'd do much better there (though the corporate flyers would absolutely hate us)
Yes, Jon, the coffee keeps me calm and balanced ;-). Glad to hear from you.
And Barbara, thanks very much for the opportunity to contribute!
Posted by: Dad at Kintropy | October 19, 2008 03:10 AM
Howdy stranger - found your site while surfing, and thought I could share one of my favorite rhymes with you:
"Be proud of your scars and the marks on your skin - they map who you are and where you have been."
Posted by: Michael | January 6, 2009 07:22 AM