Friendly Fire
Friday, Gabriel got off the bus he was whining and holding his bottom lip. "J punched me!"
I was the only parent to greet the bus. It is understood that I will escort the other two from our block to their doors. One of those two is J. I got us all out to the sidewalk and caught up to J who was trying not to meet my eye and walk ahead.
"J, did you punch Gabriel?"
J looked at me and frowned. Emotions crossed his face as he tightened his fists beside him in frustration and shrugged. He wouldn’t meet my eyes and his lower lip quivered "Yes, I punched Gabriel."
I was relieved he admitted it. It makes the conversation easier. I rose my voice. "Why did you hit Gabriel?"
"I was mad."
"You were mad." I paused and took a breath this raises so many red flags for me. "It is ok to be mad. But is never OK to hit someone when you’re mad. Do you understand?"
He nodded and frowned.
I repeated myself, "It is alright to be mad. If you’re mad, tell everyone you need a break for a couple minutes and back away from everyone. You do not hurt people when you are mad."
"I got it." The neighbor who was babysitting him was trying to smooth things over. She started with "Yeah, I know J’s got a problem with… She is right J."
I repeated my advice on how to handle anger as I was walking away. I added one caveat, "If you ever need to isolate yourself and the kids won’t let you, tell an adult about it."
As I walked away with Gabriel, I asked Gabriel if J felt left out. The problem is J is aggressive and has bulling tendencies, so the other three boys choose to ignore him a lot or don’t include him in their games. I understand how that could reach a breaking point. Gabriel shrugged, "I don’t know."
We got home. I called and left a message for J’s parents. When we got to talk, I told his Dad what I understood had happened and what I had said. He agreed. I also found out that indeed Gabriel had been ignoring J. I don’t think it was on purpose because he told me the story he was playing with the other boy A. Gabriel gets really focused sometimes, and you can talk to him, and he won’t notice you.
So, I’m going to try working on Gabriel’s manners. What J did was totally inappropriate. Gabriel doesn’t need to be J’s friend, but he needs to be polite and acknowledge him. We all live on the same block, so I’m trying to establish a dialog with J so that thing will go smoother in the future.
--Mom
