Tell-Tale October Pledge: A Parody
Last week, I turned on the radio. The KOPB Fall Fundraiser had started. I listened to the hosts banter back and forth, encouraging people to call and pledge. I waited patiently for the news to return.
At the top of the hour, I was rewarded. Serious Broadcaster relayed the news, covering Iraq, Iran, domestic politics: all things NPR. The local news person gave the Oregon headlines. And then they returned. The Fall Fundraiser. Costs $20,000 a week for an NPR show. Please call. Give anything. Give everything. Just call.
The radio's lit face grinned at me. Its dials stared at me. C'mon, it said, you can contribute more. Yes, you paid up during the last fund drive, but if you pay more now, they'll go away... eventually. Phones bbrringed endlessly from its speakers: an erratic, analog heartbeat that proved how destitute the patient was (analog phones? all they can afford are analog phones?).
That was last week. For the price of an expensive cup of coffee, you can support....
I bided my time, each day testing my luck, seeing if I could sneak up on the radio and enjoy content without pledge breaks. Each day, I was defeated.
Today, Tuesday, the Fundraiser continued. I did what I had to do; I pulled the plug on the radio. Its grin faded slowly to a black grimace. I, an NPR and KOPB supporter, had silenced the pledge drive. I needed to hide my crime.
Having no floorboards under which to hide the radio, I could only turn away from it, mentally discard it. At first, I was successful, but my crime ate away at me. My hunger for news expanded in my stomach. Softly at first, then louder, I could hear the ringing - that analog bell ringing! Ringing and demanding!
I'm sure everyone around me can hear it ringing. Yes, I did it! I turned off the radio. Won't the ringing stop? Please... pledge and make it stop!
-- Dad
